Once, there was this kid who
Took a trip to Singapore and brought along his spray paint
And when he finally came back

He had cane marks all over his bottom
He said that it was from when
The warden whacked it so hard


Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm


[whip sound] Ahh

Once there was this girl who

Swore that one day she would be a figure skating champion
And when she finally made it
She saw some other girl who was better [ding sound]

And so she hired some guy to
Club her in the kneecap


Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm
[thwack sound] Ahh
Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm


They got paid for their sound bites
And sold their TV movie rights


And then, there was this guy who
Made his wife so mad one night that she cut off his weiner

And when he finally came to
He found that Mr. Happy was missing
He couldn't quite explain it

It'd always just been there

Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm

Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm

Ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Were), ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Is)

Ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Were), ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Is)

Ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Were), ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Is)

Ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Were), ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Is)

(There were, there is)

(There were, there is)