[Verse 1]
It's hard to be living
You gotta play the cards you were given

You think it's simple but it !@#$ isn't
It's tougher now than breaking out of Shawshank prison
And as you're hittin your prime

People say you been committing a crime
But I won't quit till I'm home
I'll chip the limestone a bit at a time

Wait! I'm a pale $$# pale middle-class straight white male
I won't have an alibi the day I fail
Cause if I ever went to jail, Mom would pay my bail

In a [boom-boom] heartbeat
Mom and Dad have given me a lot more than a pat on the back
And I gotta thank 'em for loving me

From the moment I was strapped in a Volvo car seat
When I needed a pep talk
I couldn't remember to wreck shop

Writer's block, staring at my laptop desktop
Or sleeping in my rental in a turnpike rest stop
%#@! in storage, living from a suitcase

Thinking ?this is how a silver spoon tastes??
Cause you can make a dream possible
But it'll never be easy, no matter what you chase

If you wanna poke fun then do so
I'll do it for you, it's no crime
I'm like if the dude from Juno grew a Jewfro and liked to rhyme [OOoooooohhh!!!]

So tell me that I'm not a rapper
Tell Rudolph he can't pull sleighs
Tell pluto it's not a planet

And he'll probably keep spinning in the same old way
On and on, every day
Right around the sun, wanna feel the rays

You do it 'cause you love it like nothing else in the universe
And $#&@ it, it's embedded in your DNA