I am the very model of a modern Major-General,
I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights

historical
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters

mathematical,
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o'

news,
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.


CHORUS

I'm very good at integral and differential calculus;

I know the scientific names of beings animalculous:
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.


CHORUS


I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir
Caradoc's;
I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for

paradox,
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus,
In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous;

I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies,
I know the croaking chorus from the Frogs of Aristophanes!
Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's

din afore,
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense
Pinafore.


CHORUS


Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform,
And tell you ev'ry detail of Caractacus's uniform:
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,

I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

CHORUS


In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and
"ravelin",

When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a javelin,
When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary
at,

And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat",
When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern
gunnery,

When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery--
In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy,
You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee.


CHORUS


For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and
adventury,
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;

But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.


CHORUS