It started as a child
when I first sought to flirt with fate
I'd lay next to the tracks with arms outstretched across the rails

daydreaming fantasizing of sparks and screeching brakes
the plumes of bright red gushing iridescent in the sun


adopt a life of struggle
one down three more to go
desire: amputation

leave me writhing in the limbless throes

it is deficiency I crave

I want so to be helpless
to inferiority a slave
a clump of breathing flesh

free from extremity
now replete with nothing left


disassemble me
limb from limb oh what a treat
no more feeling incomplete nor encumbered by this lie

my prayer is for calamity
merciful blades to sever me
crippling

detruncating
immobile by design


majestic ancient titan
swims proudly in its tank
I wish to slake its hunger

flailing my legs as bait

"I finally feel complete. I am now whole."


superfluous gesture
an unnecessary art

sacrificial offering
unto the gilded saw
rid me of my shame

of what I've overachieved
my envy is the handicapped
lord I beg of you I plead

I plead

wheelchairs prosthetics crutches

all stimulus to me
my love beyond mere fetish
call it disabling

I'd waltz upon a landmine
feed digits to machines
phantom limb masturbation

the only way

dissemble me

limb from limb oh what a treat
no more feeling incomplete nor encumbered by this lie
my prayer is for calamity

merciful blades to sever me
crippling
detruncating

immobile by design

disassemble me

piece by piece a loving feat
body image incomplete corrected by a knife
my hope is for catastrophe

a gangrenous limbdectomy
dismantling
dismembering

cut down to perfect size