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Stephen Lynch lyrics : "History Lesson"

Stephen:
I have to redo the vocals for Medieval Bush.
Friends:

Why?
Stephen:
Cause I said 1570's muff instead of 1470's muff and the medieval period ended at the beginning of the 16th century.

Friends:
Wait! So how do you know this?
Stephen:

Cause I used to be a teacher.
Friends:
(Laugh)You used to be a teacher?

Stephen:
Yes
Friend:

Professor?
Stephen:
No, I taught elementary school and I got fired for I had an unorthodox way of teaching. In which I would bring my guitar in and sing the lessons to the kids.

Friend:
Of course you did.
Stephen:

Okay, okay let me find a lesson for you... Ben Franklin
"Ben Franklin went out one night,
Tied a key to the end of a kite,

Electricity struck so bright,
Write it down mutha$#&@as"
Friends:

You called the kids mother$#&@ers?
Stephen:
Some of them were mother$#&@ers yes.

Friends:
Science
Stephen:

Um...
"Issac Newton sat under a tree,
An apple hit him in the head so he,

Said holy %#@! that's gravity,
So write it down mutha$#&@as"
I have a million of theses.

Friends:
Pilgrims
Stephen:

Okay... hey...
"Pilgrims raced against the clock,
Lookin for a place to dock,

They said $#&@ it here's Plymouth Rock,
Write it down mutha$#&@as."
Friends:

I don't like the fact that you are implying that the pilgrims were lazy.
Stephen:
I'm not implying anything.

Friend:
Wright Brothers
Stephen:

Uh...
"A dude named Orville Wright,
Told his brother lets invinflight,

So Wilbur said "ight",
Write it down mutha$#&@as"
Yes, he said "ight"

Friend:
Wilbur said "ight"?
Stephen:

In my story he did.
Friend:
Wilbur was street in your story?

Stephen:
Yes
Friend:

Word
Stephen:
See, you can't stump me

Friend:
Slavery?
Stephen:

Uh there is nothing funny about slavery... well...
"Abe Lincoln lead the nation,
Freed slaves form the plantations,
Inmansa-mutha$#&@a-proclamation,
Write it down anaem-ops."

Friend:
Gandhi!
Stephen:
Uh... I did not have one for him. Uh... hold on, hold on. Gandhi... Uh... alright.
(Slowly) "Gandhi is what you said,

An Indian with a bald head,
He was a bit under fed,
Write is down mutha$#&@as!"
Fried from that job!
Friend:

Your a genius.

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