It's the quitting smoking song
All the smokers cough along
If I can do it, so can you

Let's chew some gum and say $#&@ you
It's the quitting smoking song
All the smokers cough along

If I can quit, you can quit
Let's have some fun, break some %#@!


Well this is the hundredth, billionth time I've tried to quit
So sick of it, wait, %#@!, I gotta cough and spit
I was a (*##$ before but now a triple (*##$, (*##$, (*##$

Slipped on day six and stick patches on both tits, oww
Ripped 'em off with a rash, sick of the crap
Sick of payin' nine bucks a patch, sick of keepin' track (anybody got a match?)

Throw the pack in the trash and blow one fast and light it up
(You shouldn't do that), you know, I know, uh, I don't give a $#&@
Can I get to the end and feel bad again

Can't call your friends cause this is the tenth time you said you'd quit
And this time I'm really gonna do it man, I got a plan
Acupuncture and bran, nicorette, treadmill and zyban

Man I feel weak, I feel so dumb
I got ninety-nine problems, cigarettes is number one
Gonna curse Benson Hedges, curse Phillip Morris

Gonna curse you mother$#&@ers till I make it to the chorus

It's the quitting smoking song

All the smokers cough along
If I can do it, so can you
Let's chew some gum and say $#&@ you

It's the quitting smoking song
All the smokers cough along
If I can quit, you can quit

Have fun and break some %#@!

I haven't smoked in a week, all my clothes still stink, eww

What did I used to think, this website says my lungs have one spot of pink, what!
What am I gonna do instead of smoke when one, drinking coffee, two, thinking about the Iraqis
Three, in a boring conversation, four, mad impatient or five, waiting outside

Six, while I drive, seven, feeling crappy, eight, feeling happy, nine, this is not happening!
I can't stop snacking, it's numb-wracking
My pants buttons are snapping and my rapping is totally blocked

Got more wrinkles than a pitbull, plus a new pimple
I'm supposed to be a sex symbol! Yeah
It's official, I'd rather kill myself smoking than live without it

So sick of feeling sick, so sick of myself sick of talking about it
Gonna curse Marlboro, curse Phillip Morris
Curse you mother$#&@ers till I make it to the chorus


It's the quitting smoking song
All the smokers cough along

If I can do it, so can you
Let's chew some gum and say $#&@ you
It's the quitting smoking song

All the smokers cough along
If I can quit, you can quit
Have fun and break some %#@!


Wow, it's been a year, I still got a career
Lost some weight but still don't got a stomach, or dough, like Britney Spears

But I can actually breathe, got some nice white teeth
And I can sit through dinner and not get up to smoke in the middle and leave
Believe me, I've got a lot to say on the topic

If you're a smoker and you know it clap your hands, now stop it!
You look pretty stupid with that thing in your mouth
Pretty insecure with that thing sticking out, little wrinkles on your brow

I don't know how you're gonna do it but you better do it
Your lungs or these corporations, which one you want ruined
I'm sorry, I'm startin' to preach just a little bit

Nothin' worse than a smoker who quit but you smell like %#@!
Go kiss someone else, you taste so gross dude
I smelled you before you even came close, eww

Gonna curse Benson Hedges, curse Phillip Morris
Gonna curse you mother$#&@ers till I make it to my chorus


It's the quitting smoking song
All the smokers cough along
If I can do it, so can you
Let's chew some gum and say $#&@ you
It's the quitting smoking song

All the smokers cough along
If I can quit, you can quit
Have fun and break some %#@!

Hey can I have a cigarette now?