"Ladies and gentlemen... thank you...
we proudly present, live form the Kharzie-Au-Go-Go,
Wapping,

the incomparable Judge Dread and the incompetent Ivor
Biggun
Take it away lads..."


"Good evening Mr. Biggun"
"Good evening Mr. Dread

It's nice to see you sober"
"I thought that you were dead"


Before your eyes we'll exercise
That rumpy-pumpy beat
A brand new workout

Physical jerkout
This'll get you off your feet


Bonkola, bonkola
exercise for the knob (knob knob)
Bonkola, bonkola

Good to be on the job (knob job)

Now I'm a w*nking wonder

With a muscular right arm
Thudding on the pudding
Pumping percy in the palm


I prefer bonkola
You hardly have to budge

Just be upstanding, stuff your gland in
Hang on girls, here comes the judge


chorus

It's awfully good for the figure

It's frightfully good for the health
I do it with vim and with vigour
And i just do it myself


C'mon Judge, let's get bonking...
In - out, in - out, in - out, in - out


chorus


So if you're good at press-ups
This is really up your street
Try them on the carpet

With a lady underneath
And if you grunt and groan a lot
But still can't get it right

Don't complain, what a shame
You'll have to practice every night


chorus

"Here Ivor, you know what, you really are a w*nker"

"Oh shut up, Donkey Dick"