(feat. Brother Marquis)

[Ice-T]

Yeah, last year a lot of mother$#&@ers asked me
why I didn't do no old sex nasty %#@!
But this year I went down to Miami and got my ^!$$% from 2 Live

Brother Marquis in the house! (Yeah I'm the mother$#&@in ^!$$%)
Yeah, we gonna answer the question about girl problems
All these ^!$$%z is havin girl problem, Marq

(Huh, tell them man, tell them how it is)
Lemme tell you what time is it...


I got a ho from the East, got a ho from the West
Got a ho that likes to jack it off and rub it in her chest
I got a ho from the North, a ho from the South

A ho that likes to suck it long and hold it in her mouth
I got a (*##$ with hair, a (*##$ with none
A (*##$ with a knife, a (*##$ with a gun

A (*##$ with a $$# big as a TV set
And there's a (*##$ over there; hey, the one I'm gonna get
But yo but maybe not, she might not like me though

No sweat to a vet; I'll slam a sista though, word
Ice in the whole damn herd
I $#&@ 'em all and leave 'em on the curve

I got a (*##$ with a mink, who rocks a fat gold link
who likes to $#&@ me with her $$# up on the kitchen sink
Got a (*##$ with tits, a (*##$ with $$#

A (*##$ with none, but hey I give her a pass
And I love 'em all, I love 'em crazily
And they love me back - that's why they stay with me

So if you havin girl problems, I'll be there for you son
Got 99 problems and a (*##$ ain't one - hit it...
Nah a (*##$ ain't one


[Ice-T]
I got a (*##$ that's old, a (*##$ that's new

A (*##$ who love velvet in the colors blue
I got a (*##$ who's fat, a (*##$ who's built
A (*##$ who all her !@%$ give out powdered milk

I got a (*##$ who's funny, a (*##$ who ain't
A (*##$ who can sing, a (*##$ who cain't
A (*##$ who loves $#&@in on a airplane..

I even got a (*##$ off +Soul Train+
I got a (*##$ who rolls a rag-top Benz..
Long ends

I got a (*##$ who's broke as a bum..
But she's the most fun
I got a (*##$ who play piano, a (*##$ who don't

A (*##$ who dances naked, a (*##$ who won't
A (*##$ who's short, a (*##$ who's tall
A (*##$ who burns my pager with priority calls

And I love 'em all, I love 'em crazily
And they love me back - that's why they stay with me
So if you havin girl problems, I'll be there for you son

Got 99 problems and a (*##$ ain't one - hit me

Yo Marquis - you from Miami man why don't you show

these mother$#&@ers all the over the world; the 2 Live style
of how the (*##$es treat a mother$#&@in fly ^!$$% like you


[Brother Marquis]
I got 99 problems and a (*##$ ain't one of them
I don't trip on hos, cause I don't need none of them

#~!!@'s the temptation, dick's the persuasion
All hos suck @@#! ^!$$% how you play 'em?
That's why I don't sleep on 'em, I just freak on 'em

Stick dick in they mouth; take it out and I skeet on 'em
The ^!$$% the one-nighter, the (*##$ exciter
I only love my hos when I'm goin up inside her

Problem number one is gettin money
I'd rather taste the green than sip the honey
So don't expect nuttin cause I ain't offerin

I go hard on my (*##$es, cause I'm never never softenin
Puttin the demand on 'em, $#&@ 'em and scram on 'em
The "wham, bam, thank you ma'am" game is ran on 'em

So $#&@ how you feel, you $#&@in cheap thrill
I hope you took the pill cause I won't pay the bill
Gettin #~!!@'s just another expense
If #~!!@ pays the bills then dick pays the rent
I only need a ho for one thing and that's to###

I've got 99 problems and a (*##$ ain't one!

[Ice-T]
Ha! Yo Marquis my mother$#&@er you got problems man?
(A (*##$ ain't one) Aww %#@!!

Now let me tell you how to do this %#@!

[M] I got a (*##$ that loves to G
[I] She'll $#&@ you right after she $#&@s me
[M] I got a (*##$ who loves both

[I] I got a (*##$ who loves handcuffs and ropes
[I] I got a (*##$ that's fast, a (*##$ that's slow
[M] A (*##$ that's a virgin and a (*##$ that's a ho
[I] A (*##$ that lies
[M] A (*##$ that's true

[I] A (*##$ who's a man BECAUSE THEY'RE "(*##$es 2"
[I] I got a (*##$ that's cool
[M] A (*##$ that's hot
[I] A (*##$ who loves rap, a (*##$ who loves rock
[I] A (*##$ who's lost and one who knows where it's at
[I] She gets up under me and purrs like a cat

[M] I got a (*##$ that runs, I got a (*##$ that walks
[M] I got a (*##$ that yells, I got a (*##$ who talks
[I] I got a (*##$ that's dirty, got a (*##$ that's neat
[I] I got a super fine (*##$ that I knocked in the swap meet

[Ice-T]
And I love 'em all, I love 'em crazily

And they love me back - that's why they stay with me
So if you havin girl problems, I'll be there for you son
I got 99 problems and a (*##$ ain't one - hit me...
No a (*##$ ain't one..
(Huh, you know a (*##$ ain't one!)

[Ice-T]

Youknahmsayin? I got problems with my mother$#&@in rent Marquis
But a (*##$ ain't one

[Brother Marquis]
Man you got yourself nothin man
$#&@ them raggedy stank-ass hos ^!$$%


[Ice-T]
A (*##$ ain't one
I got a problems stayin out here on these streets
with the police trying to take a ^!$$% out, y'know?
But a (*##$ ain't one
Got problems with mother$#&@ers.. buyin my records
But a (*##$ ain't one


[Brother Marquis]
$#&@ 'em all, ^!$$% $#&@ them mother$#&@ers

[Ice-T]
Youknahmsayin? A (*##$ ain't one
Got problems man


[Brother Marquis]
All them mother$#&@ers can kiss my mother$#&@in $$#.. f'real

[Ice-T]
Really, ^!$$%z worryin about (*##$es
They better, they better find somethin else to worry about
[fades out]