Me and my friends kickin' in the household
Tryin' to figure out thoughts start to unfold
Nothing to do or see I can't understand

Combine all our thoughts to come up with a plan
Car alarm system too expensive to buy
But not if you're gonna hire this guy

With a helmet on his head and a club in his hand
@@#! in sock, it's the naked jock man
Naked, Naked, Naked, Jock

Naked, Naked, Naked, Man
Tall dark man going to break into my car
With Naked Jock Man he ain't gonna get far

Car alarm sounds, trunk lifts up
He jumps to the ground
What the $#&@'s that?

I can hear him scream in fright
Naked Jock Man just ruined his night
You can run, you can hide, just turn yourself in

Cause he'll get you in the end
He's the Naked Jock Man
And he's after Dan

Naked Jock Man
R-Y-A-N
Now months have passed since the birth of the jock man

Sally Jesse Raphael and David Letterman
Want the jock man to show his face
He's the next (*##$ on Melrose Place

Naked Jock Man was just a big joke
Now you'll see his $$# on all the talk shows
The people want to know

They're willing to die
Who the $#&@ is that guy?