Ahhh...sweet youth
The joys of becoming a teenage prostitute
Or in my case a blood-crazed gladiator

Til I got stuck on this planet and got hooked
on the weed and the crack and the booze and the pills and the speed
And the sex and the mud and blood and the %#@!

Let's go hit the
Nitro-burning funny bong
Just one hit, your life goes wrong

Nitro-burning funny bong
Another stupid stoner song
Fat and lame

The claws have been clipped and the tigers been tamed
By a bong, and a schlong
Yes now we have all seen how games can go wrong

My brains filled with bees and my @@#! is diseased
Laden with pus it hangs well past my knees
A swarm of narcotics could get me through this

My manager's gonna be pissed
Let's go hit the
Nitro-burning funny bong

Just one hit, your life goes wrong
Nitro-burning funny bong
Another stupid stoner song

Oh, can you take it
Yeah, do a monster
Oh, can you deal with it?

We won't respect you unless you get high with the boys
Now I'm old
Strapped in my cell as I cultivate mold

In the twilight of my years
I am still a drug addict
I'm sucking all night long on a ten foot bong

Moistened with lotion,
wrapped in a sarong I live like a king
but you know that I act like a !@$)got

Once was a warrior, now just a sponge
High all the time got a dick like a muskellunge
My glorious destiny it turned to %#@!

Can I get another hit?
From the Nitro-burning funny bong
Just one hit, your life goes wrong

Nitro-burning funny bong
Another stupid stoner song
Oh, can you take it

Yeah, do a monster
Oh, can you deal with it?
We won't respect you unless you get high with the boys