[in a high falsetto voice]
Uncle Marshall!
Will you tell us a bedtime story?

[regular voice]
Here we go...


Now once upon a time not long ago
There was a little rapper about to blow
But his album came and it was not good

I think it went lead or double copper wood
So the silly little fans they were mislead
By a nerdy internet computer hip-hop head

"Me and you, 'Clef, we're gonna make some cash
Grab the silver paint and let's paint my $$#"
Hey mister, would ya care to bare witness to

The $$#-whippin' I'm about to administer
To this $$#-kissin' little ##&*%$l blister
Stanabis, little Marshall Mathers' sister

And in this corner, we have the mister
Not havin' it, it's the mad sinister
Dr. Evil with his bag of tricks for

this little antagonist !@$)got dick-suckin'
Ex-LL Cool J fan from Windsor
I'm 'bout to murder little Kenny !@$) Keniff-sta

You !@$( I ain't wanna have to diss ya
Canabis, where the $#&@ you at? I miss ya!


[Chorus]
Can-i-(*##$, oh Can-i-(*##$
Where for art thou Can-i-(*##$?

Please tell me what happened with
That style that you were rappin' with
Can-i-(*##$, oh Can-i-(*##$

Are you from Los Angeles
New York or just a janitor
From Canada? Oh Can-i-(*##$


Now at first I ain't really understand the %#@!
Picture me for a second and imagine it

Chillin' in the Bat-Mansion and relaxin'
When all a sudden some bull%#@! comes across the scanners
It's Can-i-(*##$ on some "Stan Lives" %#@!

It creeped me out at first. Man this is sick
For me, being just a sick, this conflict
Gets my dick harder than arithmetic

And I know how you jealous ones envy
I shoulda knew better from the first few letters you sent me
The first two letters you were tellin' me %#@!

Like you respect me, like any other regular MC
The third letter you ask how come I ain't return
None of the messages at Shady Records you left me

The fourth letter: "Slim, you really startin' to upset me!"
The fifth letter told me you were comin' to get me
The sixth letter there's a bomb threat in our building

This crazy mother$#&@er's really tryin' to kill me!
So I went back and read the first few letters that said
Some %#@! about a message you left

Oh %#@!, that's not an "E" that's an "A"
This dude wants to leave me a "massage," he's gay!!
Right away I'm on the phone with Dr. Dre

We got a bogey! (Marshall I'm on the way)

[Chorus]

Can-i-(*##$, oh Can-i-(*##$
Where for art thou Can-i-(*##$?
Please tell me what happened with

That style that you were rappin' with
Can-i-(*##$, oh Can-i-(*##$
Are you from Los Angeles

New York or just a janitor
From Canada? Oh Can-i-(*##$


So in two seconds flat Dre's at my crib
The funny thing is we both know where this kid lives
And neither one of us have Canadian citizenship

%#@!. Oh Dre, wait a mintue that's it
All we gotta do is use a bit of turbo boost
We can fly over the border "Let's go" [WOOSH!]
So we're off to Toronto and we're gainin' speed
[BOOSH!] (What was that? Oh) Jermaine Dupri

$#&@ It, keep goin' no time to waste
Wait, backup hit him one more time in case
Okay .. $#&@ now he's draggin' under the car
Oh well, only 30 more thousand miles
Meanwhile me and Dre are tryin' to conversate

Just tryin' to find a reason for the constant hate
And tryin' to figure out what happened to 'Germaine Propaine'
"He couldn't have fell off that hard" Ain't no way
"What happened to the way you was rappin' when you was scandalous
That Canibus turned into a television evangelist"

Plus he raps with his regular voice [BOOSH! BOOSH!]
[BOOSH! BOOSH!] (What was that?) Pet Shop Boys
So we pull up to the bridge where he last was spotted
His corpse was still movin' but his $$# was rotted
He kinda smelled a little like Courtney Love

I figure if I stick him with a fork he's done
So I stabbed him twice, kept jabbin', Christ
He won't die, this guy's like a battered wife
He's like Kim, he keeps comin' back for more
But he won't fight back I cracked his jaw
Hold up, 'Bis quit foldin' up!

Punch me in the chest! Make my shoulders touch!
Do somethin'! At least one punchline
C'mon till the meter reads 9-9-9-
ty-nine percent of my fans are blonde
'Bis c'mon answer me man respond!
Tell me 'bout the sun rain moon and stars
Intergalatical metaphors from Mars!

Raw to the floor, raw like Reservoir Dogs
Bite another line from Redman's song!
Suddenly the stub from a dead man's arm
From a midget reaches out from under the car
It's JD, this mother$#&@er won't die neither
Dre starts sprayin' him with cans of ether
We stomped the (*##$ and then stopmed the (*##$ again

(Compton!) Detroit (*##$! Talk some %#@! again!
Stomp him! (switch feet) Stomp him! (switch again!)
Dre alright he's dead dog, quit kickin him!
I think Stanabis jumped off the bridge again (Damn)
He disappeared yo he's gone he did it again

[Chorus]

Can-i-(*##$, oh Can-i-(*##$
Where for art thou Can-i-(*##$?
Please tell me what happened with
That style that you were rappin' with
Can-i-(*##$, oh Can-i-(*##$
Are you from Los Angeles
New York or just a janitor

From Canada? Oh Can-i-(*##$