(My ex-girlfriend had a really weird fetish
Uh, she used to like to dress up as herself and then act like a $#&@ing (*##$ all the time)


My show is a little bit silly, and a
Little bit pretentious, so like
Shakespeare's willy or

Noam Chomsky wearing a strap-on

It's also a little bit gay, and a

Little bit offensive, like
Thanksgiving Day or
Noam Chomsky wearing a strap-on


So put your cellphones to vibrate
And put your vibrators to cellphone mode


Welcome to the show, it goes a little bit like this
Joke... exactly

$#&@ing up my flow, it flows a little bit like this
With a rap and a diss then a
Swift rap in the wrist, a rap in a kiss

Like Hershey's wrappin' a Kiss, %#@!
I got a show that'll test you kids
And it asks one question and the question is;


What's funny?
What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?

What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?
Funny, fu-funny
What's funny?

What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?
What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?
Funny

Oh yeah

Humor is often linked to shared experience

Like a guy gets up and says, "Have you noticed that public restrooms have really inefficient hand dryers?"
Oh my god, yes I have
Ha ha ha ha, really good point

They should fix that
It's good to know that somebody finally gets me
'Cause my wife divorced me

Which has consciously forced me to lose all sense of self
So it's nice to think about hand dryers
And not that cheating !@^%


Because stand-up comedy is actually pretty easy
If you're an Asian comic, just get up and say, "My mother's got the weirdest $#&@ing accent"

Then just do a Chinese accent
'Cause everybody laughs at the Chinese accent
Because they privately thought that your people were laughable and now you've given them the chance to express that in public

Ah yeah, if you're a musical comic
Just give them a little weird voice infliction
Then take a !#!^

And slap them with a rock-hard misdirection

What's funny?

What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?
What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?
Funny, fu-funny

... Tourettes!
What's funny?
What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?

What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?
Funny
Oh, and the audience says;


When I was a baby, maybe I laughed at people jiggling keys
Now I'm older and bolder and just get mad because I notice that the keys are to a Hummer

$#&@ my life, I don't $#&@ my wife
So $#&@ my wife, and $#&@ my life
And my son is gay, but not sitcom gay

Daughter's a !@^%, like another girl that used to be her mother
But the marriage made her Miss Mary Americana
I'm on a team with that screaming prima-donna

But the radical feminists made my wife a man!

Oh, and if I die happy
The situation
Will be auto-erotic

Asphyxiation
I hate my life and it hates me back
And my friend is black
But I don't know what to call him...
So I just call him...

"What up, Jamal?"
Even though his name is Steve
I hate my job, I hate my life
I hate my kids, I hate my wife
Jews would know I do it

Judas beat me to it
I'm slowly slipping into a solipsistic coma
And I !@(# because I'm the only one whose standards are low enough to $#&@ me! (bang on piano)

What's funny?

What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?
What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?
Funny, fu-funny
(Pop) It's a boy!
What's funny?
What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?

What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?
Funny, yeah
Hopefully this
(Fart)