Saludos, my darlings
And you know who you are
Come on, let's mingle

So nice to see you

Throw your hips into the air

Like Cyd Charisse and Fred Astaire
Let's crazy go nuts


Just looking into your eyes, darling
I can tell that you have
The legs of a dancer


So bring those legs and the
Rest of your body over here

And be Fernando's private prancer

Darling, I got to tell you something

And I don't say this to everybody
You look marvelous
Absolutely marvelous


You know, my dear
My father used to say to me

Nando, don't be a schnook
It's not how you feel
It's how you look


He was marvelous but you, darling
You look marvelous

Absolutely marvelous

And this is from my heart

Which is deep inside my body
It is better to look good
Than to feel good


Get down (that's right)


(Fernando) darlings
(Who's marvelous) try me


(Cyndi Lauper) marvelous
(Tina Turner) still marvelous
(Jayne Meadows) she's marvelous

(Grace Jones) humongous

(Cher) marvelous

(Chaka Khan) marvelous
(Vanity) marvelous
(Appolonia) ditto

(Madonna) her belly button
Is absolutely marvelous


I'm about to lose control
And I think I like it


Oh, look, there's Sting
Looking for his last name in the dip


I am what love is all about
I've got American teeth
And a Spanish mouth


Please, hold me
While I tango


So, my dear, it's been a blast
You were not my first

You won't be my last
Ciao, I got to mambo


Nothing lasts forever, darling
But it's not the end of the world
When I was fired by Paramount

They were still MGM

I love you young people today
With your rock and roll
Like an Eddie Van Heflin

(Van Halen) whatever

When I look into your eyes, darling
I see the reflection of me
Look at me dancing around in there


I look marvelous
Absolutely marvelous

You know, darling, I love dancing

Dancing to me is like
Standing still, only faster
Do you know what I'm saying to you

My dear, do you understand

The term, full grown midget
Must be me

There are eight million stories
In the naked city, darling
Let's be two of them

I'm kidding you, I'm a kidder

Let's you and I go back
To my private hideaway
Put on some soft music

I'll put on my Spiderman pajamas

And we'll do things I'm gonna
Tell my friends we did anyway

Darling, I'm worried about
The Cabbage Patch Kids
I mean, when they grow up
Will they be confused that these

People are not their real parents

You know, I went to a Madonna concert
And the people come dressed like her
With the navel showing and the brassiere
And the ties with the pantyhose
And the beauty mark


And these were some of the guys
I tell you, this rock and roll
Is really nuts

If a train is leaving Chicago
At eleven A.M. in the morning

With five thousand pounds of bluefish
And another train is leaving Phoenix
At exactly the same time and
Bert Convy is still hosting Tattle Tales...