Fourteen years
Thirty minutes
Fifteen seconds I've

Held this grudge

Eleven songs

Four full journals
Thoughts of punishment
I've expended


Not in contact
Not a letter

Such communication
Telepathic
You've been vilified

Used as fodder
You deserve a piece
Of every record


But who's it hurting now?
Who's the one that's stuck?

Who's it torturing now
With an antique knot in her stomach?


I want to be big and let go
Of this grudge that's grown old
All this time I've not known

How to rest this bygone
I wanna be soft and resolved
Clean of slate and released

I wanna forgive for the both of us

Like an abandoned house

Dusty covered
Furniture
Still intact

If I visit it now
Will I simply re-live it
Somehow gratuitous


But who's still aching now?
Who's tired of her own voice?

Who is it weighing down
With no gift from time of said healing


I want to be big and let go
Of this grudge that's grown old
All this time I've not known

How to rest this bygone
I wanna be soft and resolved
Clean of slate and released

I wanna forgive for the both of us

Maybe as I cut the cord

Veils will lift from my eyes
Maybe as I lay this to rest
Dead weight off my shoulders will rise


Here I sit
Much determined

Ever ill-equipped
To draw this curtain
How this has entertained

Validated
And has served me well
Ever the victim


But who's done whining now?
Who's ready to put down

This load I've carried longer than I had cared to remember

I want to be big and let go

Of this grudge that's grown old
For the life of me I've not known
How to rest this bygone

I wanna be soft and resolved
Clean of slate and released
I wanna forgive for the both of us.